coat hanger halos

life

Twenty years ago today on a Sunday, I had bought tickets for my mom and I to go see Revenge of the Sith. She was on her way to pick me up, when she had called my grandma and my grandma wasn’t picking up. This was unlike her, and as a result my mom went to my grandma’s first. We still had enough time to make it for the movie, or so we thought. My grandma had been making dinner, and apparently had lost her balance when she went to sit down and hit her head. My mom found her in a pool of blood on the ground, and immediately called 911. They went to the ER, and I got there at some point later. We would later find out someone somewhere had ignored the DNR.  If you know what that indicates, then you know. I was not okay on that day, or the following weeks. She was here, but she was a shell of herself and I did all that I could to spend as much time with her as I could until she eventually passed less than two months later. I learned recently that they had ignored the DNR again that morning, too. At that point she was my last remaining grandparent, and the only stable parental figure I had. I still remember the sound of the machines, and standing there with my mom and the doctors, and the beeping slowed for that final goodbye. Both days affect me for different reasons because as grateful as I am that I got more time with her, it hadn’t been what she wanted.

Today, I’m sitting in my flat, trying my best to get through a trying day. I’ve grown a lot since that time in my life, and I’ve healed a lot as well. I used to chalk up the east coast chapters of my life as wanting seasons as a born and raised Californian, but most of those chapters were spent healing and growing. Re-parenting myself as well. Coming back home is still something I’m glad I did because I was able to re-connect with family in a way that was needed and also in unexpected ways. But that’s a tale for another time.

Today, I’m just grateful for those around that are genuine and kind, and seemingly accept me for who I am. Because today was hard in a lot of ways, including realizing it was time to let go when something I had been suspecting for awhile seemed to be confirmed. My intuition is rarely ever wrong, but there are things that are in god’s hands now.

is it rebirth time yet

gaming

there’s no pre-load for rebirth and it’s apparently time locked for download at 6am our time. i still need to finish the yuffie dlc before then, BUT after replaying the first two chapters of remake and having a whole new perspective on that because of crisis core, i chipped away at OG some more and finally got to wall market there. the pacing difference between ff7 and remake is WILD. like chapter 8 in remake is equivalent to act 1, chapter 5 of the original game? at least i think that’s where i’m at in the original based on the guides i’m using. there’s so much filler in remake, but i kind of like being able to simultaneously see the differences as a noob to this franchise.

middle of the night thoughts

life, misec

My neighbors just had the insane idea to set off fireworks around midnight. We’re in the middle of a dry season, and the hills to the north have burning for days. People have been trying to start fires in this area all week, so can we just not with the fireworks? My area of LA is near LAX, an oil field, and one of the several refineries in the area. We do not need a fire rampaging down here because that would be more disastrous than anything the hills and the valley has seen this week. Fires are also normal for that area, so while it sucks and it’s devastating, all of this has happened before and it will happen again. It’s the climate here, and the winds, and the diverting of water resources to elsewhere. The state has been in a drought for decades because certain folks just haven’t been taking care of the land as it should. If you take care of the land, it will take care of you. There’s folks making what’s going on about them than they should be. Some of us were born and raised here, places we went to as children are just gone now. There’s so many people that have been displaced that have no where to go because they’re from here and can’t just go run off to their parents in the state they came from.

 

idk

life, site

Today this blog is 3 years old. Which means the domains were renewed, even the .co which I told myself I wasn’t going to renew but then was like fuck it let me just do it because if I don’t then some horder will grab it, and just yeah no. At some point, I will get posts for older blogs added but that’s a plan for another day. Maybe. Currently working on building an archive of the times when I screamed into the void (aka the bird app), which has been a journey into the past and makes me want to hug my younger self whilst also being proud of how far I’ve come since then. I have to on it in pieces because of that reason, but I will get it finished at some point and then I can maybe nuke my bird app account. My ultimate goal is move my main web presence back to my personal sites, but baby steps are to be had.

Like, this very short post is a baby step at blogging daily again. Anyway, the version of Rock DJ from Better Man has been on repeat for most of the day because while this has been one of my favorite songs since 2000, I fell in love with the song all over again back in October with the new arrangement used for Better Man in a specific scene because it was just so good. I could go on and on about that film though, but let me stop because I have to get some sleep.

Anyway, after debating it for awhile I grabbed FFVII Crisis Core during the Steam Sale and the FFVII Rebirth Twin Pack. Did I need Remake for PC since I have it for PS4? Not technically but I did it anyway.

I’m also trying out this auto post to bluesky plugin just to see if it will actually work.